• emmaforbescoaching

Helpful hints to rediscover your confidence and be more content

Guess what, being more confident in tricky situations can get you the outcome you want and make you more content. Yay, sighs of relief all round….now, let’s see how I can help you can do that.

So many people don’t make changes to their lives for the better because they just simply lack the confidence to do it. Either lacking the self-belief to make a decision in the first place or actually taking action after the decision has been made.

Don’t get me wrong, waking up one day telling yourself “oh I’m feeling pretty on it today, let’s make positive changes” won’t make that difference. If only. It takes a shift in mindset and some consistent changes in your way of thinking and feeling, which is something that needs to be worked on over time.

Working on your self-confidence is an ongoing job

A helpful hint to shifting your mindset which acts as a positive reminder that you DO HAVE CONFIDENCE inside you, is if you take time to look back at how you have behaved around situations in your past. It’s a great way to see you where you went wrong and where you were right and, best of all, the best learning curves about how to behave going forward when faced with situations that require change.

A situation that you made a bold decision around in the past may have led to positive outcomes, a better or happier or easier way of life or, quite simply, less stress for you; did that decision require some courage? If so, it’s a good example of where you dug deep, went with what you knew was the right thing to do and ended up with the best results. Savour that memory for a moment.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes those bold, courageous decisions will lead to some initial doubt, heartache or tense moments, but if the long-term end result is good one, then it was worth it.

What might have happened if we had acted more confidently?

Equally, looking back on choices we have made or, perhaps more importantly, decided NOT to make in the past that have ended up making our lives less positive and unhappier, can also teach us something. It’s a sliding doors moment to imagine what might have been if we had acted differently. Why didn’t you make that tricky decision, what stopped you from acting according to your gut feel? Often the answer will be that we quite simply didn’t feel brave enough or were scared and unsure what the outcome would be.

And that’s the point. When we choose not to be brave, make bold but perhaps uncomfortable decisions, choosing instead to hold back on what our gut feel is and not believe in ourselves enough to be daring, we lose out. And it’s almost always us alone that loses out the most on something good. And by not changing a challenging situation also means life doesn’t make us happier, we don’t start feeling less stressed and more content; in short, nothing changes for the better.

So, what does hold us back in those moments? Everyone is different, but overwhelmingly it will be one of a few reasons, for example:

  • I can’t do it; it’s just not me; I’m not brave enough

  • It’s too embarrassing; people will judge me; I don’t know how to

  • I will fail; it will have a negative outcome

Et cetera, et cetera. As well as looking in, we look out. What will others think, that is just not how I am perceived to do things… it’s all avoidance tactics at the end of the day and, guess what, mostly a lack of confidence and a fear of failing.

Making tough decisions to change tricky or even simple situations doesn’t come easy for many; there will be huge considerations and maybe some casualties along the way. Leaving a toxic relationship may leave the other person sad / angry / vengeful; starting a new company or expanding an existing one may cause you money worries / stress / risk of failure; standing up to a bully may be exhausting and upsetting and could even be dangerous; getting that job when so many others want it may feel like an impossible mountain to climb that you’re not the best qualified for.

Trust your instinct; no one knows you better than you

By doing some work on self-belief and self-worth, finding your courageous side and facing the fear is going to give you the impetus to make the right decision and actually follow it through. If you know you want to make changes to your life, trust yourself that you are feeling that for a very good reason. Only you know what you really want or need. No one else can know that; remember no one knows you better than you do. If you know deep down that you are unhappy, unsatisfied and really need and want a change, then do it for no one else but yourself.

So how? I will never tire of saying this: confidence is a feeling, so choose to feel it. Work on it. Some people don’t wake up happy every day but find ways to help them feel more positive – exercise, acts of kindness, organising things better, practising mindfulness, etc. It’s similar with confidence. We must keep reminding ourselves that we can be confident; we have examples stored in our memories, we have people who are on our side and can give us a pep talk, we DO HAVE IT IN US.

Keep reminding yourself that you’ve got it in you

If it helps, write down times you have been successful when faced with tough decisions and importantly write down WHY you were successful. Write down your positive attributes and HOW you acted and use these examples in the future. And repeat, on a loop. And then when the next time comes that you do find your confidence to make a positive decision and the result is successful, relish that moment and log it in your mind. It’s amazing how many times when we have been brave, we look back and realise it wasn’t that difficult / scary / stressful after all. Recognising that will give you even more confidence and start quashing the fear.

In short, go with your gut, try and stop worrying about or imagining outcomes that haven’t happened yet, keep working on feeling confident, face your fear and sod everyone else. And if you need a pep talk from someone do get in touch, I’d love to help.

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