• emmaforbescoaching

Time for change?

How having the confidence to change a situation will bring about positive results

It’s a curious thing that many people are not happy in the place they find themselves, yet for whatever reason, choose not to change it. And it is a choice. The status quo of many people’s life is something that is often considered set, deserved or imposed. For many there appears to be no option to change the situation, if that’s what is needed or desired.

All my clients come to me with one common goal; to make a change to lead a better, happier, more stress free, authentic life. It’s through the many conversations, curious questioning and gentle challenging that the little lightbulb moments of possibility appear. Only by discovering our real goals, forgetting the influence of the people and situations that surround us and by considering how we can get there, do we start working on positive change.

For some it is recognising that a relationship isn’t working or realising that situations are causing undue stress, for others it’s simply trying to understand the best route forward in life at that time. In whatever moment we find ourselves considering what we really want, that is when we genuinely start thinking about change to bring about something better.

So why are people so resistant to change? Change doesn’t come naturally to many. Our characters and personality are often barriers to change, without us really knowing it. For many who want change, it’s simply the fear of it that holds them back. And the fear is real. For others there is a reluctance to accept advice or suggestions, as they can lead to feelings of failure or negativity; 'everyone else has it sorted and I don't' thinking - although that's rarely the case! Many people struggle deeply with the unknown, things that are out of their control or the actions of others that have a direct effect on them. And for the majority, the habits we have formed around situations in our lives are so deeply set that change seems an insurmountable task.

There are also many who truly believe that change is not a choice; it is. If we are willing and brave enough to see things from a different perspective, do things in another way or behave differently in certain situations, we are bringing about a change that starts with us. We are challenging the way things are and starting down a path of discovering how things can be better for us. Whatever comes next will depend on people’s reactions to our new way of being and the results are usually welcome, positive and beneficial.

Don't wait for change, you have to make change happen

For those stuck in a situation that doesn’t sit right, what better time for change than now? There is no prescriptively perfect time for change, but why not when the season is moving from spring to summer, longer days are lifting our mood, lockdown is easing and there is a tangible feeling of hope that things are going to be back to normal soon?

So, what do we need to change? If your life is feeling hunky-dory on all levels, good for you; carry on as you are, you lucky thing! But, if there is something that is niggling you, keeping you awake at night, causing anxious moments, making you unhappy, angry or affecting your health, then maybe it’s time for change. Let’s not forget that pretty much everyone wants to live a happy and fulfilling life and if something is getting in the way of that for you, then it's time to do something about it.

Have the confidence to choose change

Here are some helpful tips to start your change journey:

  • Identify what you want to change and WHY you want to change it – the why is often the more important of the two

  • Write down how things would be better if you did make a change; what exactly are you looking to gain?

  • Set yourself a goal, but make it realistic and achievable

  • Write down exactly what or who is holding you back from making a change to your situation, but don’t focus on regrets

  • Set yourself a short and concise action plan

By taking some time to break down what you want, why you want it and how you can get there, you realise the process of change is not as daunting as imagined. Having good reason to do something and a specific goal to work towards gives us the confidence to take action. However, many will still feel fearful of making changes, especially if we are someone who has resisted change in the past. Just knowing that the outcome will bring a happier, less stressful or more rewarding life is usually a good motivation, but if it’s not, it may be time to be brave, dig deep and address the issue, knowing better things will come. It’s also interesting to note how many people will tell you they are so glad they made a change, always wondering why they didn’t do it sooner!

When things aren’t how we want them to be, the idea of changing them can become a mountain to climb the more time we allow the situation to continue. And that’s the thing…. we do actually choose to let things remain the same. It has to be a decision we make to change something in our life. It might come as a lightbulb moment, with the help of a coach or when things get to a point of being totally unbearable. The important thing is learning to recognise that situations aren’t how you want them to be and to decide that change is needed.

The good things that come from actioning change are different for everyone and each individual situation, but almost always include new learnings, new experiences, a better way of living and a greater confidence to be open to change in the future. We also realise that things can and do change in life and understand that often change is good.

Something to remember is that change doesn’t happen overnight. Take your time thinking about what it is that is unsettling you and move forwards at your own pace, ensuring your goal is eventually reached. And if you need some help with that get in touch, I am eager to help you change for the better.

30 views0 comments